I Finally Got Diagnosed


I'm sorry I've not written in a while, I've been quite busy this week.

I'm going to start with the biggest thing that has happened, on Tuesday afternoon I finally got diagnosed with PTSD which is Post Traumatic Stree Disorder incase you didn't know.
I think it's been a long time coming, well, six years really, I wasn't really aware of what PTSD was until recently, but now I know and it makes a lot of sense.
If you have read my previous blog 'A Hard Read' you will understand that in a previous realtionship I did not have the best of times, so I went to finally see a councilor from the Well Being service and they are going to help me.
The woman I spoke to was very shocked at how I got little to none help what so ever and I was massivly let down by the whole system.
I found my first session quite difficult even though it was an assesment, I opened up about my previous pregnancies and it was quite horrible actually. I relived it all and obviously broke down in the small room I was in, but at the same time I felt like my walls crumbled down and that I felt some sort of relief being able to talk about what I went through. It was very emotional and draining.
I am looking forward to getting the therpy I need but at the same time it does scare me, how I'm going to be sitting there talking to a stranger about my life, I can't say I'm excited over it all.
I do feel like I am now allowed to grieve for my previous children and I feel like I am slowly going through the process.

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My Irregular Choice boots arrived this week, but I sent them back, they were just too high, I didn't expect them to be as high as they were, I was very sad to send them back but once the money got returned to me I bought lots of new clothes!

I spent most of this week going through ALL of my clothes and just getting rid of so many that were just too big, too out dated, not my style anymore and that just didn't bring me joy. I can now get all my clothes into my chest of drawers, before I couldn't and they were just scattered everywhere! Robert now has more clothes than I do! I have five bin bags waiting to go to the charity shop and four bags waiting to be sold (I've already made over £100 in selling my clothes so far!).
It feels good knowing that I can now easily pick out stuff to wear because I now love everything I own and everything I have is my size. I am now a comfortable 16 (14 in pjs!) and from the online stores I have bought from this week (Very, George, Peacocks & New Look) everything has fitted which is great.
Today I have ordered lots of new MATCHING underwear, I decided I should probably adult a bit and actually wear matching underwear, not for anyone else's gain, purely so I feel a bit more together.

A few of the new items of clothing I have bought;



Smock Tunic from George for £14. I decided to buy something with some colour, I usually live in black but I really wanted to just try something brave, I was very confused when I wore this yesterday though! I don't really do fashion so I wasn't sure if I was wearing it properly, I didn't know the line was supposed to be just before my boobs, I kept trying to tug it down as it felt weird, but once I got used to it being where it was and realising it wasn't actually too small for me I enjoyed wearing it!



Sheer Tunic Blouse from Very for £29.
Now, I should have really read the description properly because I obviously completely ignored the 'sheer' part of it, when it arrived I soon realised it was see through! But it is a lovely top and it fits nicely, I'm not 100% convinced this was worth £29 so I'd wait for it to go on sale if you are wanting it, but it is nice.

PJ bottoms from Peacocks for £9.
These are so soft! After going through all my PJ's and realising I'm still wearing size bloody 20 stuff I bought these in a size 14 and they fit lovely. I also bought the matching top too. I don't have many pairs of PJ's left since I've had to get rid of a load.
These are the type of bottoms I may one day actually wear outside and pass them off as normal trousers haha.


Stripe Zip Pinafore from New Look for £22.99
Now, I should say I actually got this for £17.99, it must have been on a quick sale or something. It's a nice pinafore, I've been hankering after a comfortable one for a while, I saw this and thought I'd try it and see if it suited me with the stripes. I have yet to wear it long enough to judge as I've only tried it on, but I can say it is comfortable. It's also a lot more nicer in person, you can't really judge it online very well but it is much prettier in plain sight.

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I had my second week of training with Home Start this week, that was good, I have six weeks left of training and then I get to start working with a family.

It snowed this week. It snowed hard. It was horrible. I hate snow. The kids hate snow. I hate Robert driving in snow.

We also celebrated Mother's Day last sunday.
Robert or should I say the kids got me a bookmark and a fridge magnet. Yeah. I know.
Luckily mum pulled through and got me an air fryer haha.
I am never leaving Robert to pick my gifts ever again, he had, well, months, because you know when Mother's Day is and he got me a last min thing, admittedly he did get me a lovely bunch of flowers which are in the bedroom and they are still alive!
We all went to the inlaws for lunch that day including my mother, Sadie cooked us a lovely gammon lunch, I must remember to ask her for the recipe.
The kids helped prepare lunch too which was sweet.


Yesterday it was raining lots and lots but that didn't stop Eppy and I getting the umbrellas out and walking to toddler group (first time we've made it in a while as she's never really awake when it starts!). At group Eppy made some lovely flowers for daddy and she enjoyed playing with the toy kitchen and all the toy food. She also enjoyed seeing lots of little ones her age.

In the afternoon I booked Edward and I tickets to see Kung Fu Panda at the cinema on Sunday morning with Sadie & Matt, it will be his first experience at the cinema, I'm excited to see how he's going to react, it's also going to be in 3D so he will get to have fun with that too!

***

Today I haven't done a whole load really, my back is playing me up (has been all week) but Eppy and I did make it out to the post office today. Skydi & Co are coming over after dinner as we've not seen them this week yet.
I did take Eppy out to lunch today, just to the Co Op cafe haha, we also intend to go again tomorrow before lunch to see Skydi and join her for her break time =D

I do apologise for this week's blog being a bit mad and all over the place.
My compeition is still running for your chance to win an amazing book, you can view the compeition here.

Speak soon xox

Best of Worst

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